When the Party Is Too Intense for Your Child With Sensory Issues



Posted: Monday, December 14, 2009

by
nancy peske

Although we all want children who have sensory issues to enjoy parties, family gatherings, and school social events along with everyone else, the stimulation that these situations provide can be much too unsettling for some kids. A child may actually go into what’s called a panic response of “fight or flight," where his nervous system reacts as if he is in actual danger when what’s really happening is that the noise, lights, and movement are so intense for him that it’s triggering this primitive survival response. The sound of a group of several children singing in unison may make him feel to him as if someone is attacking his ear, while he may perceive all the visual stimulation of colored lights, party decorations, and people milling about as an all-out assault on his nervous system. So how can we help these kids to have fun without removing them from the situation completely?

The answer is that sometimes, we can’t. Children with sensory processing disorder need a quiet, safe, low-stimulation environment to retreat to when they begin to feel their anxiety rising. If the child is becoming stressed out, accompany him to a quiet, dimly lit room nearby—a cloakroom, a bedroom, or even an unoccupied bathroom. Offer him opportunities for comforting and focusing stimulation. He might want to sit and rock, listen to calming music on a personal music player, lie on a couch or sit in a chair as you gently press pillows against him, or lie on the floor as you roll an exercise ball over him, pressing gently as you do so. Oral comforts such as a lollipop, chewing gum, or other chewable item may help the child regroup and, in time, return to the event. Earplugs can help reduce some of the noise, and activities that allow him to hyperfocus may make the “hoopla" less distressing to his nervous system. Calming activities can be done before, during, and afterwards, as needed. The key is to ask the child to help you identify what would make him feel more comfortable.

You might give the sensory child a pile of Legos or blocks, or allow her to play with a toy on her own off to the side of the main activity area, if that’s what she needs in order to be a part of the group. Don’t assume she doesn’t like the other guests just because doesn’t want to participate in the activities the other kids are enjoying. She may be better off socializing in a more low-key atmosphere with a minimal number of children and a focused activity such as a craft project, a baking project, or a card game or board game. She may not be ready yet for a party with all the cousins, or the kids at the day care center. As she develops ways to accommodate her sensory issues and you and others work with her to develop her ability to tolerate stimulating environments, she’ll be better able to handle a variety of sensory situations.

It may be that the child can’t handle the activity at all and, for safety reasons, needs to be escorted home. Be prepared to “rescue" your sensory child at preschool, late at night at a slumber party, or during a family gathering. You might want to ask a close friend or a relative to be available to take her in or watch your other children should you realize your sensory child cannot handle the situation. If you talk to your sensory child beforehand and let her know what her coping strategies and options are, however, you may be able to ease her anxiety enough that she will push herself to tolerate the unusually high amount of stressful stimulation. Encourage her to let you know her limits and be as flexible as you can—or let it go this time and simply plan an alternative celebration she can handle.

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